Kates New Man, Pariss Love Plan

This week, we battle with unsolved Hollywood mysteries. Why do beautiful women like ugly men? Why is Paris Hilton famous? Why is Daniel Craig still whining? Oh, the perplexities that arise from the land of make believe! What are we simple folk to do when it comes to sorting out the lives of the rich and famous? Why, poke fun, of course.

kate and owen

By now we’re all aware that Kate Hudson and Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson have gone their separate ways after six years of marriage.

In following the tradition of beautiful women hooking up with men of lesser aesthetic appeal (in other words, men who carry the whimsical label “fugly”), Owen Wilson is allegedly to blame for the downfall of her marriage -- as if he didn’t already do enough damage to her movie career with You, Me and Dupree.

A source tells US Weekly, “Kate is crazy about him. Owen gives her so much attention, and she loves it.” I wonder if this “attention” comes in the butt-licking form that Owen is famous for dishing out? Don’t know what I mean? Well, Page Six reported a while back that Owen brought a woman to his hotel room and licked her butt for over two hours.

His comment on the story: “It's like, 'Who cares?' I play it as it lays. Ok, so I may not be the greatest lover in the world. Well, let's make that angle work. There's lots of different paths to the waterfall. You don't have to be Don Juan.”